Dancing with the Stars: Preview

Well, the cast for the new season of Dancing with the Stars has been announced. And it is quite the eclectic roundup. Handicapping the field:

MELANIE BROWN (partnered with MAKSIM CHMERKOVSKIY, who returns for his fourth season): I guess Posh Spice said no. Will Eddie Murphy be in the audience? You would think she should be a favorite, what with her Spice Girls training. Too bad it's not a lip-synch contest, she'd win hands down.

SABRINA BRYAN (partnered with newcomer MARK BALLAS). Bryan, part of "The Cheetah Girls" is this year's desperate attempt to lure the teen audience into watching.

HELIO CASTRONEVES (partnered with defending champ JULIANNE HOUGH, who returns for her sophomore season). Don't worry, no one else has heard of him either. He's an auto racer, so as long as he dances in an oval around the perimeter of the stage, and always turns left, he should be OK.

MARK CUBAN (partnered with KYM JOHNSON, who returns for her third season). The early favorite to be voted off in Week 1. A group of NBA refs should get together, attending every show, and yell at him while he's on the floor. Let's see how he likes it.

JENNIE GARTH (partnered with newcomer DEREK HOUGH, brother of Season Four winner Julianne Hough). Boy, that 90210 show really rocketed everyone to stardom. If you go to a taping, you can watch Brian Austin Green sweep the floor when the show is over.

JOSIE MARAN (partnered with Season One winner ALEC MAZO, who makes his third appearance). Maran is a model. She could be a really good dancer, or really bad. Either way, she probably won't make the finals.


CAMERON MATHISON (partnered with EDYTA SLIWINSKA, the only professional dancer to appear in all five seasons). When I first heard the announcement, I just assumed this was a woman. Turns out, Cameron is an actor on "All the Days of the Lives of My Young and Restless Children in General Hospital", or one of those daytime soaps.

FLOYD MAYWEATHER - (partnered with KARINA SMIRNOFF, who returns for her third season). Mayweather is a six-time world champion boxer in five weight classes, with an astounding undefeated record of 38-0, with 24 knockouts. So, really, I'm not gonna make fun of him. And let's see Bruno call his routine "crap" like he did Billy Ray Cyrus'.

WAYNE NEWTON (partnered with two-time champ CHERYL BURKE). Mr. Las Vegas fills the George Hamilton/Jerry Springer/John Ratzenberger role of old man whose effort we appreciate, but vote out about Week 8. I'm still waiting for one of them to break a hip. This will be a real test for Burke, who isn't exactly working with Drew Lachey or Emmitt Smith here.

MARIE OSMOND (partnered with JONATHAN ROBERTS, who returns for his fourth season). She's a little bit country. She may surprise some people.

ALBERT REED (partnered with ANNA TREBUNSKAYA, who returns for her second season). He's a model and former pro surfer, but lack of name recognition makes him a real longshot.

JANE SEYMOUR (partnered with TONY DOVOLANI, who returns for his fourth season). Seymour, who looks good for 93, is experiencing a bit of a career resurgence after appearing in "Wedding Crashers."

The competition begins with a three-night event on, MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, as the six female stars take center stage, performing either the Foxtrot or the Cha Cha Cha. The men will then showcase their routines, TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, performing the same dances as the women. The team with the lowest combined judges' scores and public votes from Monday and Tuesday night will be eliminated from the competition on the first results show, WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 26.

Musical guest the first week: DOLLY PARTON.