Night 2: Boys' Club

For those of you wondering what happened to the Night 1 recap, let's just say that there was an incident with the Tivo and a 6-year-old. So, if you want a recap of the madcap antics on "Drake and Josh" or "Hannah Montana", I can do it.

Now, Night 2.

First of all, I wish Samantha Harris much health and happiness with her new baby. But she wasn't the greatest co-host in the world, so seeing Drew Lachey was a nice change.

Also, just watching the quick recap of Night 1, I'm already tired of Sabrina Cheetah Girl. And, Josie will be going home.

First up: Cameron Mathison. They immediately play the "I wore braces like Forrest Gump" as a child sympathy card.

Cameron did OK. Of course, the men always have it much easier than the women in these competitions. The judges seemed to like it OK, and Cameron received: 21 points.

By the way, a quick note to the celebrities. People at home don't want to hear how hard it is to jet in from New York every week to work on your dancing while still trying to learn your lines for the TV show. See, that doesn't qualify as a tough life for most people watching.

Up next: Floyd Mayweather, who could beat me to a pulp using only his pinkie, so I'm pretty sure I'll like whatever he does. He is teamed with Karina Smirnoff, so you know Mario Lopez is not liking this.

Mayweather seemed a little stiff, but was a lot of fun to watch. He brought a lot of energy to the floor, but seemed to always be thinking about his next move. His score: 18 points. But I'd rather watch Mayweather dance than Cameron.

Helio Castroneves is next, and I'll avoid the obvious "He'll dance in circles around the floor" Indy Car joke.

OK, he crashed into a wall at 200 miles per hour, so he is allowed to discuss how tough he has it.

That was the best dance of the night so far. Helio played up to the camera, and seemed to realize he was giving a performance. Good job. Also, his partner, Julianne, is the best choreographer of any of the dancers. His score: 25 points.

Albert Reed is next. And you can hear people all across the country say "I thought they were supposed to have celebrities on this show."

Of course, they show the male model surfing, so we can get a shot of him with his shirt off. And my first thought is how much the guy looks like me with my shirt off. So he's got that going for him. And..... he did OK. It was certainly interesting. His score: 21 points.

And after watching Drew Lachey for four interviews I'd like to say: Samantha Harris, please come back, all is forgiven.


Mark Cuban, who is worth about 30 trillion dollars, is up next. And I will make my initial standing offer to Mr. Cuban: If you put $1,000,000 in a trust fund for my 3 daughters to go to college, I will refrain from making fun of you. Just drop me an e-mail, and we can discuss the details.

But until then, let me just say that he wasn't as bad as I was expecting. And I'm not just saying that because I want him to put $1,000,000 in a trust fund for my 3 daughters to go to college. He was fun to watch. Cuban's score: 21 points.

The final dancer of the evening is the wax likeness of Wayne Newton. Whoops, apparently that is the actual Wayne Newton. I'm not sure, but I think he has had a touch of plastic surgery.

His partner is Cheryl Burke, so this is the worst partner she has ever had. And you know what? He was fun to watch. He is a big enough star that he doesn't have to do things like this, and he doesn't have to give his best effort, but he did, and you have to respect that. He's also fortunate to have Burke as his partner, she is very good at bringing out the strengths of her partners. His score: 19 points.

The standings:

Helio Castroneves: 25
Cameron, Albert and Mark: 21
Wayne and Cheryl: 19
Floyd and Karina: 18

Going home tomorrow: Josie (Did you notice they focused in on her when Tom Bergeron said someone is going home tomorrow?)

We'll have a quick recap tomorrow after the results show.