Week 2, Night 1

Up first: Mel and Maks. Maks is the toughest of the pro dancers, in that nothing seems to please him. They are dancing the quickstep to A-ha's "Take on Me" and I think the singer hurt himself on a couple of the high notes. This looks like the toughest dance to me, and Mel B. did very well. And the judges liked her, giving her a 23 points. She'll be back next week. And Drew pulls out the first Spice Girls joke of the competition. And I hope you've noticed that I have avoided the easy Spice Girls joke in every recap.

Next: Mark Cuban and Kym. Kym has decided to wear as little as possible, to get the male vote. Shame on you! (The fact my wife reads this has no effect on me saying that). By the way Mr. Cuban, my offer of $1,000,000 in a trust fund for me 3 daughters to go to college in exchange for not making fun of you still stands. And I thought he did much better than the judges thought. Cuban is a lot of fun to watch, and gives hope to all of us uncoordinated white guys everywhere. His score: 18 points. It doesn't look good for Mark Cuban, who, if he is voted off, will probably buy ABC and fire the 3 judges.

Next: Wayne and Cheryl. Wow, the judges were tough on him. This is a 65-year-old guy doing the quick step, and they just let him have it. OK, I agree his quickstep looked like something you'd see at Bingo night at your local senior citizen's center, but give the guy a break. His score: 15 points.

Next: Marie and Jonathan. Dancing the mambo, and doing a swell job. She is a good performer, and really sells the dance. I've been the most impressed by her in this whole competition. She won't win, but could make it into the top 6. Her score: 24 points.

Next: Albert the model and Anna. Again, it's like looking in a mirror. It's like we were separated at birth. And the dance didn't work for me. He seemed to be a step off the entire dance, and he didn't grab the crowd like he did last week. Perhaps the pressure of dancing for his late grandfather got to him. But that is understandable. His score: 21 points.

By the way, Drew Lachey, my favorite dancer from all 4 seasons, is really bad as a co-host.

Next: Helio and Julianne. Little-known fact: Helio is only four feet tall. Better-known fact: He is the person to beat in the competition. Another great dance. Best of the night. His score: 27 points. The best dancer of the amateurs, combined with the best choreographer of the pros, makes them tough to beat.

Next: Jennie and Derek. They fell at the end! They fell! And they got 21 points! How can you fall and not finish in last place?

Next: Cameron and Edyta. Edyta apparently has decided to dress like an iridescent ostrich. Cameron never stays on the beat, and you never feel a sense of joy watching him. I don't think Latin dances suit him. His score: 21 points.


Next: Floyd and the always-grouchy Karina. Floyd always looks stiff on the floor, like he's thinking of his next move, instead of just dancing. His score: Hey, 21 points! Apparently 7 is the only paddle the judges have now.

The Geico Cavemen are in the audience. That doesn't detract from the show at all.

Next: Jane and Tony, dancing to a Ricky Ricardo song, which will make my daughter Samantha happy. Seymour, who is 93 years old, did OK. Her score: Hey, 21 POINTS! My brother-in-law David told me last week that he is able to predict the judges' scores before they show them. Since all they apparently give is 21, that's not as impressive as it sounds.

Tom Bergeron is a great host.

Next: The Cheetah girl and Mark. The Cheetah Girl lost a battle with some tanning spray this week. She did well, and will easily make it deep into the competition. She and Helio are the best dancers on the show this season. Her score: 26 points.


Predicted bottom 2 tomorrow: Mark Cuban and Albert.

Going home: Mark Cuban.